


Run for your Life

by deardracula



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1643660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deardracula/pseuds/deardracula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had always been close. He had a different sort of tie with Remus than he had with the others, more spiritual maybe, or something Sirius couldn’t really name. Now that the two of them were the only company either of them really had anymore, things were a little different. Not a lot different, but it was noticeable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title courtesy of the Beatles

  
  


When James made Captain, no one in their house was really surprised. There wasn't anyone else on the team who was better qualified and hell, Sirius couldn't have been more proud, but if James thought for one second that him making captain wasn't the soul reason for Sirius leaving the team, he was sorely mistaken.

Maybe it was because the two of them were so close and James expected so much out of him, or maybe it was because James needed someone to be his whipping post in front of their teammates, or whatever it was he always acted viciously towards Sirius in similar situations. It wasn't just Quidditch, it was group assignments in class, in their study groups, even when they ended up on the same team during a snow ball fight in the winter. Sirius didn't blame him because he himself had a knack for fucking everything up and James just so happened to be the one on the receiving end of the repercussions more often than either of them would probably have liked.

So he quit, handing in his beater bat and uniform. It was rather sad because he loved Quidditch. He and James always had such a great time in the summer when they played on the pitch at the Potter's, but if the two of them wanted to stay as close as they were, they'd have to avoid organized group activities.

That left him with a lot of free time. More than had expected. With James always off with Evans or attending to his Head Boy or Captain duties, the number of detentions Sirius received dropped considerably. It was astonishing really; he rarely attended them at all anymore. His homework was getting done, he was getting more sleep so he could actually make it to breakfast on most occasions and McGonagall actually smiled at him when they passed in the hallway. Of course he loved spending time with James, more than anything in the world, but shit, he felt like a new man.

Once James started making his appearances fewer and more brief, Peter sort of found a new lot of friends to socialize with. He was around, sure he was they shared a dorm, but he wasn't around as much as he had been at the start of the year.

That left him a lot of time to be with Remus: nonathletic, never receiving any detentions, Remus Lupin. It was nice that Sirius could always count on him being around.

They had always been close. He had a different sort of tie with Remus than he had with the others, more spiritual maybe, or something Sirius couldn’t really name. Now that the two of them were the only company either of them really had anymore, things were a little different. Not a lot different, but it was noticeable.

It was a Monday in May when the full moon showed it's face. It was the first day the nice weather really rolled around, so Sirius was comfortable enough in a t-shirt as he waited for the others down by the Whomping Willow. Remus was the first to join him with wringing hands and nervous feet. He paced for a few steps in front of where Sirius was sitting before dropping down beside him, tucking his legs underneath himself briefly before uncrossing them again. “It's nice out today,” Sirius tried but the moment the words left his mouth he knew it wasn't the right thing to say. Remus glanced at him, pulling grass out of the ground by the roots.

The sun was hanging low now, the birds flying off into the trees. The others still hadn't arrived and he could tell it was making Remus even more anxious. Sirius ground his teeth, pressing his head to his shoulder so his neck cracked. “I'll kill'em,” he hissed to himself.

“Maybe we should just go in?” Remus looked at him with those big cow eyes, chewing his nail as he worried his eyebrows together

“Yeah, yeah... I'm sure they'll catch up,” Sirius grunted, standing up beside Remus.

They stilled the Whomping Willow, ducking under its stunted branches and into the tunnel at its base. Sirius walked behind him, his elbows on his knees as they crouched to the trap door that lead to the Shrieking Shack.

Outside the broken lead window of the living room, the sun was sinking low into the jagged edge of the tree tops. Remus was beside him at the window frame, shivering in the stagnant heat of the room. Sirius' hand moved towards Remus shoulder in a comforting gesture, but fell back to his side when the trap door behind them creaked and James poked his head up between the floorboards. “Christ,” Sirius cursed. “You're a couple seconds early,” he bit, unsure of where the venom had come from.

“Sorry mate, at least we're here,” James pulled himself into the room, followed by the rat form of Peter. Sirius almost had a retort out of his mouth, but James' face contorted and his body stretch until he was standing over Sirius with a rack.

Remus cried out and doubled over next to him and his hands flew to his shoulders. He knew Remus hated it when he left his transformation for the very last second while Remus still had his own eyes, but as his bones broke and he was snapping at him with long fangs, Sirius knew he needed the humanity.

Every moon Sirius tried to look away, but he could never manage it. He watched Remus scream and cry, itching to get closer, to comfort and console him, but if he ever took a step forever James was there with flaring nostrils and stomping hooves.

The cries of pain were enough to make his stomach lurch but the snap of bones and the bubble of skin was almost too much. The silence afterward and the fear that flooded into his canine nostrils was worse than the gore because he knew Remus was gone and something bloodthirsty and monstrous had chewed away at the civility in his brain.

 

* * *

 

Remembering back to the night before was always hard and everything was fuzzy: black and white and reeking of liquid iron. He wasn’t surprised when he woke up alone, the floor boards around him splintering and red.

Picking up his head was something like hell, so he laid it back down for a moment to try to ease the throbbing. When he thought he heard a moan from upstairs he shot up, his vision black as he stumbled towards the stairs.

As his eyesight returned to him, he had made it halfway up the stairs, his breathing labored  and his hands shaking. He didn’t care what was wrong with him though, last night had been violent and he needed to make sure he found Remus and fixed whatever was ailing him, or take him down to the infirmary if they could manage. 

He found him in the back bedroom, lying naked on the floor, his shoulder obviously dislocated, blood streaming from his broken nose and into his mouth.

 

“Good morning,” he tried, the lightheartedness shattered by a crack in his voice. Remus tried to cover himself with on hand, the other lying beside him uselessly. Sirius dropped down beside him, fingering lightly at his misplaced shoulder.

 

“Stop. It hurts,” he rolled his head away.

 

“We’ve got to get that back into place, come on.” He willed him upright, setting his hands on either side of his shoulders, counting down from three before shoving it forward with a pop. Remus hissed, bowing forward. “You’ve got to keep your head back,” Sirius lifted his chin, fixing his nose as quickly as he could with a spell before pinching it to stop the blood.

 

“Why’re you so good to me?” Remus asked all nasal and delirious. Sirius had to laugh, smoothing a hand through his tawny hair.

Someone at the door cleared their throat and Sirius let his hand drop. It was James, a bruise blooming prettily along his jaw. “Would you mind?” he gestured towards his face, “I don’t have time to go to the hospital wing.”

Sirius nodded and stood up, reminding Remus to keep his head back. Peter was standing behind James, unharmed but still weary of the skinny, naked boy sitting alone in the bedroom. Sirius pressed his wand lightly to the purple colouring, the blood pooling there retreating back into James' veins. “All set mate.” He gave his shoulder a pat, trying not to grimace at the way it made his head ache.

James nodded, saying farewell to Remus as best he could before the two of them retreated down the stairs.

Sirius stood in the doorway, listening for the sound of the trap door closing before he went back and sat on the floor. “What hurts?”

 

Remus shook his head, letting his chin drop down to his chest. “Just need to get dressed for now, I think.”

Sirius found his cloths folded neatly in the wardrobe sitting in the corner of the room. He brought them to him, sitting down on the shredded mattress, his eyes on his knees while he dressed. His head was killing him. Dots were dancing at the corners of his vision as his stomach treated to empty itself on the floor at his feet. “Oh god,” He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep everything inside where it belonged.

 

“What’s wrong?” Remus stepped towards him, his shirt half on.

 

“Might have a concussion or something I don’t know.” He cursed because fuck, he was going to puke. He scrambled out of the room, barely making it into the hall before he was heaving whatever was in his stomach onto the floor.

 

“Okay, we need to go to the infirmary.”

 

“I’ll be fine.”

 

Remus scoffed, pulling him up. “Don’t be such a wank.”

 

* * *

 

“And how did this happen exactly?” Madam Pomfrey asked as she shown wandlight into each of Sirius’ eyes.

 

“Fell down the stairs, just like I said four different times.”

 

She laid him down on a bed, placing an extra pillow under his head. “Well you aren’t going to your classes today. Just get some rest.”

 

“I’m fine,” he whined as the curtains around him were violently drawn together.

 

He could hear Remus with the nurse outside of his fabricated prison cell. “You’re not too bad mister Lupin,” she told him. The room flashed bright again and Sirius figured she was shining her wand into his eyes as well. “I’ll just fix up those bruises and you’re set to head down to breakfast.

As Remus left, he called out a promise to come see him at lunch before he was ushered out of the room and down to the Great Hall.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Sirius dreamed of skin and heat and huge, aspen eyes in his drug induced trance. When he was in the middle of everything, it was so real, almost like he could actually feel the burn of flesh under his hands. He could taste everything that was happening on his tongue and he could smell the heat and feel the adrenaline being shot through his veins, but when he woke up, he realized just how much his subconscious had betrayed him and how grotesquely wrong it was.

When Remus had come to visit him during lunch like he had promised, with James and Peter and a plate of food that they had nicked from the kitchens, Sirius couldn't bear to look up at him, let alone meet his gaze. If he did, he almost felt like he'd know, like he'd feel it and hate him instantly.

He couldn't hold onto anything they were saying. It was something about something that had happened in Charms, maybe, but his mind was somewhere else completely, so when James asked him what was wrong, he stumbled to answer. "Just woke up, is all."

He knew James left so early because Sirius was being dull, even if he had claimed that he had Head Boy duties to attend to. Peter left with him, mumbling a goodbye to Sirius over his shoulder as he chased after James. In the silence, Remus moved his chair closer to Sirius bed. He could feel his heart kicking at the self-fabricated tension he realized Remus couldn't feel, but was very real in his own mind. "How're you feeling?"

 

"Swell, mate."

 

"Really," Sirius could see him give him a pointed look in the corner of his eye.

 

"I swear."

 

"You're rubbish at lying, Sirius Black."

 

"James never seems to pick up on it." He couldn't bring himself to look up from the hospital issued sheets he was studying with enough intensity to burn holes through.

 

"Well, I know you."

 

"And James doesn't?"

 

"I know you differently, I think." Sirius didn't argue. "And why aren't you looking at me, have I got something on my face?"

 

"No," Sirius laughed lightly.

 

Remus paused, his hands folding in his lap. "Did I, erm..." his voice faded out as he pointed to his own head so he didn't have to say the word 'concussion' out loud, like it was poisonous.

 

"No, no -"

 

"But what if I did?" With that, Sirius looked up to meet his face, fallen and folded into a frown.

 

"Even if you did, it wasn't you Remus. I don't even care about it, you know. I get to miss class," he stretched his arms up and crossed them behind his head. "Anyway, I'll be out of here by tomorrow I promise you."

 

* * *

 

It was a few more days until Sirius slept in his own bed again. And when he was there, it was impossible for him to sleep, having gotten so use to the potions he had been given to help him sleep. Peter was snoring and James was talking in his sleep and Remus’ wand light was on behind the curtains drawn together around his bed. After was seemed like an eternity trying to figure out how maybe seconds were between each of Peter’s erratic snores, Sirius got up and took a step across the space behind his bed and Remus’. “Are you descent, Moony?” he poked his head in between the curtains without waiting for an answer.

 

“Can’t sleep?” Remus asked, closing his book as Sirius crawled in and sat at the foot of his bed with his feet crossed under himself. “Me either.”

 

“Peter’s snoring is definitely one thing I’m not going to miss,” Sirius laughed to himself, quiet and breathy before scrubbing at the back of his neck with his hand.

 

“You snore too, you know.”

 

“I do not,” he gasped, a hand flying to his chest. Remus just smiled and shook his head, leaning back against the headboard, crossing his legs in a mirror image to Sirius. 

 

Remus just chuckled and shook his head. “What time is it, do you know?”

 

Sirius shook his head. “But it’s Friday, we should go out on the town, Lupin! Pick up girls and shag them senseless, drink until we don’t know which way is up.”

 

“You know me so well.”

 

Sirius laughed and bit at his lip for a moment. “Well I don’t want to stay here. It doesn’t have to include fucking, you prude, but I need to stretch my legs.”

 

They snuck over to the trunk sitting at the end of James’ bed and pulled the invisibility cloak out of its depth.

Even with just the two of the underneath it, it was a snug fit, Sirius had to crouch a little so their feet wouldn’t show and at the speed they were shuffling, they would reach the front doors when they were sixty-four. Once they had crossed over the portrait hole and out into the silent hallway, Sirius pulled the cloak off his head, breathing in the cool air deeply. “Do you want detention?” Remus asked as Sirius’ eyes flicked around, unable to see the source of the voice.

 

“That thing was great when we were eleven, but I’m a man now, Remus, I need my space.”

 

“Right,” Sirius could almost hear his eyes roll. “Come on,” he lifted up a corner so Sirius could see where he was, “do it for my sanity, if not for your own.”

 

As Sirius stepped under again, he faintly wondered if Remus had been secretly studding Occlumency without his knowing, and could read every thought that was forming between his ears as they walked. Of course he didn’t want to be so tightly pressed up against him since that bleeding dream, and all the ones every night after that. He could still feel them pulling his skin tight. Things weren’t supposed to be like that between him and Remus. Remus was the one he never had to put on airs for, the one that didn’t mock him for crying and would go out on strolls around the grounds at two in the morning. He didn’t want this self-inflicted torture to keep him from looking his friend in the face. Maybe he would just tell him. He was almost certain that he’d just be able to laugh about it and brush it off, blame the pain killers and the concussion and stress and the weather and the fact that he had shepherd’s pie the night before the moon and that never really agreed with him. But maybe Remus wouldn’t see it as a joke, he might take it very seriously, and the thought of the word ‘queer’ coming from him and being hissed at Sirius might just kill him.

The front doors of the school were heavy and loud, screeching when they were opened at such an hours, the cry echoing through empty stone hallways. They closed them quickly and stepped out into the chill of the bleak Scottish night. They made it down the rolling hills and to the bank of the lake before Remus deemed it safe enough for them to take the cloak off.

Sirius watched Remus' silhouette bend down and pluck rocks off the bank of the lake, choosing flat ones that would be suitable for skipping. “So I had a dream the other night.”

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

Sirius heart was beating fast, but he'd already started the story and if he stopped it now, it would be suspicious, Remus might think it was worse than it actually was. But when he thought about it, it was about as horrible as it could get. “Have you ever had one of those dreams with like, that girl in your fucking Potions class or something? You know, the one with the uneven tits? And you're like, fucking her in this dream, right? And you're like, what the fuck? Am I right?” He laughed, letting it turn into a cough as Remus reeled his arm back and watched a flat rock skip across the water's surface four times before sinking into the black depth.

 

“What're you getting at there, Sirius?”

 

He let his chin drop down to his chest, pulled a box of fags out of his pocket and struck a match so the tip of his nose lit up and smoke filled his lungs. “It's just,” He tipped the box towards Remus and when he took one, Sirius stepped forward to light it for him. “It was kind of that sort of dream,” he motioned with his hands, “with all the touching and,” he cleared his throat, “fucking, I mean.”

 

“And you're embarrassed because it was with that girl with the uneven tits, I understand.”

 

“No,” Sirius pulled at his cigarette, letting the smoke pour out of his mouth before pulling it back in through his nose. “No, it's someone I know. Someone I know _well_ that's what makes it weird.”

 

“It was Peter wasn't it.” Sirius pretended to choke. “James then. Lily?” He asked when he didn't get an answer. “Man Sirius, James is going to murder you.” Sirius stayed quiet, smoking his cigarette and starting out across the late. “You're not close with many people, Sirius.”

 

“Well, you missed one.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Remus turn his head and study him in the darkness. He kept his eyes forward, trying not to let this heart rate show through the panic in his eyes. He lifted his cigarette to his mouth. “Oh,” Remus said and looked down at his feet. “Well, how was it?”

 


End file.
